Unsolicited advice is received as criticism. 

I read that a couple of years ago and it changed the way I behave and clarified why posting things like this bench on the internet is so hard.

Because every time I do (ig posts over here and here), I get comments saying ‘use a different dye’ or ‘wear gloves’ or ‘tape off the wood’ or ‘do it a different way.’ And that’s absolutely exhausting. Each and every one of those comments is basically saying ‘I, a person who has watched a very brief video wherein you share a tiny bit of what you’re doing, but who is absolutely not privy to all the information you used to make the decision nor familiar with your background knowledge, Do Not Approve of your choices and actions. I think you should do something else. Or at the very least, I think you should take time out of your day to justify to me why what you’re doing with your own body and your own possessions is ok.‘

And no one comment is ever that bad, but string of them year after year is a whole damn lot.

I can even see how most of the comments are well meaning! And if you were saying those things to Someone Who Knows You, it could even be helpful! But when you say them to someone who doesn’t know you (even if you feel like you know them because you’ve been following them online for a while or you like their work), there’s a good chance that person (a person who you presumably like and want to help!) hears it as criticism.

I know I do! And I know for damn sure a lot of other creators do too. It’s why a lot of folks start sharing less or start to get a little prickly when they do share things. It’s actually a big part of why I have comments off on the blog. Because it feels like you need fit ten minutes of disclaimers and caveats and cautions and background info into a thirty second video of you doing something silly with your own stuff.

So I put a gentle reminder over on instagram, and I’m sharing it here too just because I think it’s important. Please assume that unless I explicitly ask, I’m not looking for advice or suggestions (and that I’m a competent adult who gets to make decisions about my own body and belongings). I suspect that the same holds true for pretty much everyone else who shares what they do online. And I’m pretty damn sure that if everyone really took it to heart, the whole internet would be a much nicer place to be.

(No, the bench isn’t done! Yes, it will be darker and more uniform when it’s finished. No, I’m not worried about the dye getting on the wood. Yes, I’ll show it off when it’s done. Yes, the series of sentences like this I include in posts is absolutely a direct result of exactly the sort of thing I’m writing about here. And yes, yes it is really quite tiresome when it happens over and over and over and over again…)