Local knitwear designer found mysteriously mauled. Authorities say she appears to have been attacked by rabid weasels. Friends and family express shock and can’t think of any motive for the vicious attack. ⁠

Some have called for an investigation into the victim’s kitten, who was found at the scene of the crime, fastidiously cleaning off her claws, with what one witness described as “a vengeful gleam in her eye.” But the kitten, speaking through her legal representative, maintains her absolute innocence and claims to have been napping in a sunbeam when the events in question occurred.⁠

Further updates to come as the investigation continues… ⁠