I had a mistaken idea of what Doing Something would feel like.

That’s fine. I know how it happened. I grew up on Indiana Jones and The Sound of Music, so I understood that you were supposed to punch nazis. And I grew up on The Dark is Rising, and The Lord of the Rings, and A Wrinkle in Time, so I knew that our trusty band of good-natured, soft-hearted, and oh so reluctant heroes would band together and save the world from the horror that always comes when a handful of powerful men forget that other people are real. I even knew that it would be scary and hard sometimes, that’s the dramatic tension at the heart of the narrative, that’s what happens before the good guys prevail in the end. But eventually, you’re supposed to have a moment when you can Do The Big Dramatic Thing, and then shit will get better. Because that’s how it goes in the stories. And we shape our world with stories.

I didn’t realize it was to be boring. And repetitive. And tedious.

And I’ve read enough history that I should have known better. Almost nothing is One Shining Moment of Perfect, Glorious Action (even if we frame it that way after the fact). Almost everything is a series of tiny, incremental actions, repeated time and time and time again, by people who don’t quite know what they’re doing, that, when viewed with the benefit of hindsight and in the right context, eventually show a pattern of gradual change.

And one of those is easy to rev yourself up for (insert raa raa peptalk for doing something unlikely and confrontational in some fictional scenario you’re probably never going to encounter here). Because so long as the perfect moment for your shining act of heroism doesn’t happen (and it won’t) you get to feel TOUGH and BRAVE and SAFE just by having thought about the Big Dramatic Thing.  While the other requires that you continue to talk to your neighbor at the mailbox (even if they have shitty bumper stickers) and continue to drop a load of stuff off at the food pantry if you can that month (even though groceries are expensive right now) and continue to reply kindly when someone asks a good faith question about vaccines or climate change (even if you’re actually kinda horrified that we’re at the point where you’re having to defend basic scientific fact). And that can make you feel small and tired and alone.

And one of those is a much more compelling narrative arc. But the trick is that all those tiny things, absolutely none of which will ever feel like a triumphal victory in the moment, will add up. We’re knitters, we know this. We know that doing the same tiny action, over and over and over again, even when it seems pointless in the face the scale of the task at hand, will eventually get you a sweater. And going to the protest with friend and organizing the clothes drive and calling your rep and showing up at the school board meeting will eventually get you a better community to live in. It will just feel some weird mix of boring and overwhelming and unlikely for a bit in the middle there.

So for today, I will remind you to make sure you have abortion pills in your cabinet. Even though I’ve told you before. Because they’re safe and effective, and you can get them no matter where you live, and you can get them now to have handy when they’re needed, and you can get them for free if you can’t afford them. Aidaccess.org will get you what you need. Or go get some free stickers from PlanC with info about where to get abortion pills, put them in your purse, and leave them in every single public bathroom stall you find yourself in.

And then tomorrow, find some other tiny thing you can do (even though it’s never going to feel like enough and you’re never going to feel done). And the do it again the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that. And when you feel like it’s not working, just remind yourself that’s normal. That’s how it’s done. None of it will feel like it’s working until you get far enough from it to see the cumulative effect of your actions and everyone else’s.

Do something even if it doesn’t feel like enough. Because that’s actually how this works. That’s how things get better…even though it’s not dramatic. So you get to be one of our trusty cadre of reluctant heroes! All you have to do is not stop trying. And if you’ve ever finished a knitting project, you already know you’re good at that.