Ensorcellment
These are absurd. They serve no practical purpose. You cannot wear them (they are tiny and if you tried to scale them up to human size, they would be way too floppy). You cannot do anything even remotely useful with them. I will not pretend that you’re going to do anything at all with them other than knit them, set them somewhere cute, and grin helplessly when you see how unspeakably adorable they are. Or possibly, knit them, inflict them on unsuspecting friends and family, and grin helplessly when you see them realize how unspeakably adorable they are.
And if that’s enough for you, well then that’s grand. We could all use more things that fill us with helpless glee right about now! But if you’re wanting me to talk you into believing that they’re useful and practical and that they’ll solve some problem in your life, I can’t quite bring myself to do it.
But my goodness are they ever cute!
Hoard
These win the prize for the quickest and very possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever knit (though to be fair, there is a good bit of competition for that last category). It’s also the thing I’ve knit the most times. By, oh, let’s just say by a rather substantial margin. I think I knit a dozen in an afternoon when the urge first came upon me.
For you see, there is a massive oak tree in my yard. And I’ve rather bonded with this tree. I see it out my office window all day long, and I love it dearly. Every year it drops absolute masses of double acorns. One fall, as I was spending some time with the tree, I noticed one tiny, gleaming acorn hanging out in a little pocket of moss nestled in the space between two tree roots.
It was unspeakably perfect, the sort of thing you see on a postcard and think it’s just a bit too charming to ever be real. So naturally I started wondering what it would look like with a knitted acorn. And then, well, you know what happens when I get an idea like that.
The pattern originally had you use real acorn caps for the tops of each acorn, and I’m still awfully fond of this approach. But I was eventually overcome by the urge to do a knitted version of the acorn cap (yes, yes absolutely including a double version, how could I resist), so now the pattern includes both options.
There’s absolutely nothing practical to do with them at all. They serve no useful function whatsoever. But I suspect you’ll find them every bit as irresistible as I do. Though I’ll warn you, it’s shockingly difficult to knit just one.
Foraged
I have it on good authority that taking a walk in the woods with me is, um, let’s say “challenging.” For you see, I am naturally inclined to wander. To meander. To stray from the path at the slightest provocation to investigate the mossy tree stump or lichen-covered stone wall or nifty rock or shiny feather or glossy acorn or, on more than one occasion, the faintly menacing yet still strangely appealing mushrooms that magically appeared since last I passed this way.
Now, I (usually) manage to (more or less) restrain myself and don’t (often) pick them. But oh, oh it takes more self control than I prefer to exercise. Which is why it should surprise absolutely no one that I eventually gave in and knit myself a whole pile of these little delights.
Alas, much as with their real-life counterparts, I must recommend that you not eat them. But, other than that, you can be as unrestrained as you’d like. I fully support knitting a whole collection of them and tucking them somewhere unexpected. You never know when someone distractible will be walking by to delight in them!
Fangs
Do you need these? No. No, you absolutely do not.
Do you want them? I suspect some of you do. Now of course some of you are far more sensible and reasonable and restrained and mature than I am. If that’s you, then of course you won’t want them. But some of you share both my unspeakable fondness for bats and my complete inability to ignore anything that passes a certain cuteness threshold. And if that’s you, well, here you go!
They’re astonishingly quick (each one took me less than two hours to knit), they’re perfect for scrap yarn (sock scraps are especially good for these), and I highly recommend you knit a whole colony of them (because you’re going to want to play with all the different wing shapes).
Peached
These? These actually came into being in the fall of 2019 when the (cough, first, cough) impeachment of everyone’s least favorite felon was underway, and I felt the need for something soft that I could squeeze. Or throw against a wall. Or stab full of pins. The intervening years have brought no end of things to be mad about, and the current round of elections has brought even more.
And sometimes that rage turns into stitches. And calls to your representatives. And donations to abortion funds. And reminders to your friends and family to check on their voter registration. And attendance at your local school board meetings. And all those other things that feel tiny and insignificant on their own, but that add up when you do them over and over and over again. Rather like stitches.
And yes, yes of course, you can absolutely make these just because they’re cute and you want a perfect little peach (or apple) for some completely non-ragey reason. And I could write something here that extols their virtues and makes you want to knit them. Maybe that’s even what I should do.
But what I’m going to do is remind you that good things can happen when you turn your rage into action. Because right now, I think we all need that more than we need someone waxing poetic about a knitted peach. So figure out what you’re mad about, and find one tiny thing to do about it. You’ll feel better after. Because you’re a knitter, and knitters know that tiny things, done over and over, add up to something big.
Deviltry
You don’t need these. You really don’t. Some of you may even be scandalized by them (which really, if this is what you can muster the energy to be scandalized by given the state of the world, well then I admire your equanimity in the face of actual catastrophes). But I know, in my heart of hearts, that there are some of you who will have you day made better by these little dudes. That, or you’ll use them to make someone else’s day better, and that’s just as good.
Because the world is on fire. And it feels like the bad guys are winning. And we’re all exhausted and terrified and overwhelmed. And that’s not going to stop any time soon.
But when it feels like that, there’s something powerful in putting down your phone, picking up your needles, and making some absurd little thing that brings you joy or making something you know will make someone else smile. No it’s not practical. No it’s not necessary. But making a little bit of time to do something joyful is surprisingly powerful. And I want you to know exactly how powerful you are.
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