Bedeck
Patrons at any level get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here’s a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
Some things you do just because they’re fun. Some things you do just because you need a quick win. Some things you do just because they’re pretty. Some things you do just because you need a way to connect with someone. And those things can be every bit as valid as the things you do to be practical or functional.
And tiny hats? Well, they’re pretty great at all of that!
They only take an hour or two to knit (they’re perfect for using yarn scraps leftover from bigger projects). They’re a great way to practice new stitches or try out color combinations you want to play with. They make adorable ornaments. I’ve even been known to stick one on top of a present as a bow or tuck one in a card.
And really, that seems like plenty to ask from something so tiny!
Scintillation
These only exist because the hearts were so much fun. Well, that, and I wanted to see if I could make them with absolutely no seaming, no picking up stitches, and only two ends to weave in (the answer was yes, yes I could, which is just darn nifty).
Seriously though, the hearts were so much fun (and so popular with you folks) that I wanted to see what other sorts of tiny nonsense you’d let me get away with. Because really, there was every chance that the hearts were a fluke and only popular because I managed to bring them out shortly before valentines day.
But making tiny little structural things satisfies my brain in a way I cannot fully explain, so I wanted to do it again. And so the stars happened. And they’ve been my bestselling pattern ever since. I love it when you like my weird little projects as much as I do!
Hoard
These win the prize for the quickest and very possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever knit (though to be fair, there is a good bit of competition for that last category). It’s also the thing I’ve knit the most times. By, oh, let’s just say by a rather substantial margin. I think I knit a dozen in an afternoon when the urge first came upon me.
For you see, there is a massive oak tree in my yard. And I’ve rather bonded with this tree. I see it out my office window all day long, and I love it dearly. Every year it drops absolute masses of double acorns. One fall, as I was spending some time with the tree, I noticed one tiny, gleaming acorn hanging out in a little pocket of moss nestled in the space between two tree roots.
It was unspeakably perfect, the sort of thing you see on a postcard and think it’s just a bit too charming to ever be real. So naturally I started wondering what it would look like with a knitted acorn. And then, well, you know what happens when I get an idea like that.
The pattern originally had you use real acorn caps for the tops of each acorn, and I’m still awfully fond of this approach. But I was eventually overcome by the urge to do a knitted version of the acorn cap (yes, yes absolutely including a double version, how could I resist), so now the pattern includes both options.
There’s absolutely nothing practical to do with them at all. They serve no useful function whatsoever. But I suspect you’ll find them every bit as irresistible as I do. Though I’ll warn you, it’s shockingly difficult to knit just one.
Foraged
I have it on good authority that taking a walk in the woods with me is, um, let’s say “challenging.” For you see, I am naturally inclined to wander. To meander. To stray from the path at the slightest provocation to investigate the mossy tree stump or lichen-covered stone wall or nifty rock or shiny feather or glossy acorn or, on more than one occasion, the faintly menacing yet still strangely appealing mushrooms that magically appeared since last I passed this way.
Now, I (usually) manage to (more or less) restrain myself and don’t (often) pick them. But oh, oh it takes more self control than I prefer to exercise. Which is why it should surprise absolutely no one that I eventually gave in and knit myself a whole pile of these little delights.
Alas, much as with their real-life counterparts, I must recommend that you not eat them. But, other than that, you can be as unrestrained as you’d like. I fully support knitting a whole collection of them and tucking them somewhere unexpected. You never know when someone distractible will be walking by to delight in them!
Hatched
These were never intended to see the light of day. They were meant to be for my own private amusement, inflicted on no one else.
For you see, I am a board game person (not one of you is shocked). And not just a board game person, but one of those people whose enjoyment of a board game is substantially increased if the various bits and pieces of the game are...cute (again, not a single one of you is shocked). So it was only natural that I knit myself a little nest to hold the egg-shaped tokens in one of my favorite games (someone is about to ask, it’s called Wingspan and it’s great).
And then, well then the nest made an appearance in a couple of random instagram pictures, because that sort of thing happens. And it turns out rather a lot of you share my peculiar predilections and wanted to do something similar. And I couldn’t in good conscience do just the nest by itself. So naturally I decided to add in some eggs (because somehow that makes it better?).
So here we are. A little nest, complete with drawstring ready to turn it into a pouch for game pieces or candy or whatever else you find amusing, and some eggs to go with it. Because sometimes these things happen. It’s better not to fight it.
Shiversome
Look, I have a somewhat complicated relationship with winter in general and with snow in particular.
There’s a fairly outspoken seven year old inside me who thinks it’s great. Snow days, snow angels, sledding…what’s not to like? But there’s also a very tired 40something in there who is really quite sick of shoveling the driveway and driving on slippery roads and worrying about the roof.
I’m trying to find the happy medium. Tucking up under woolly blankets with a new book, hot chocolate ready to hand, watching the snow while I am safely inside is actually rather lovely. And since winter is happening regardless of how I feel about it, I might as well try to enjoy what it has to offer.
But I’m definitely still working on coming to terms with the cold. And these little buddies help. Yes, they are snowmen. But they’re the warmest, coziest, toastiest snowmen you’ll ever meet. No cold toes or freezing fingers or wind reddened cheeks required.
Chilled
So it started with the owls (and I’ve heard rumors of some very sneaky foxes), but we all knew it wasn’t going to end there. Because really, once you’ve realized you’re the sort of person who is susceptible to small knitted friends, it’s all but inevitable that you’ll end up with a whole assortment of them. I mean they lead such delightful lives, how could anyone resist? (Their names are Penny and Gwen. They run the ice skating rink in the winter and the swimming pool in the summer. They throw the very best parties and are always encouraging folks to break out their favorite fancy clothes, no matter the occasion.)
And look, it’s fine if you look at these and find yourself wondering if perhaps I spent a bit too much time outside without a hat as a child. I fully understand that not everyone will be as enchanted with them as I am, and I would never, ever, ever suggest that anyone actually needs them.
But, on the off chance that you suddenly want nothing more than to attend the next penguin ball, I’d be delighted to meet you there. I can’t wait to see what you wear!
Tethered
Patrons get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here's a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
As always, I will not be attempting to convince you that you need these. I will not pretend that they serve any practical purpose. I will not suggest that they solve any of your problems.
I will say only that you can sit down with your needles, a tiny ball of leftover yarn, and the pattern and stand up an hour or two later with a teeny tiny pair of mittens. What happens after that is up to you.
You could probably make a reasonable case for using them as a bookmark or a Christmas tree ornament, or for turning a bunch of them into a garland, or for using them to keep one of your little knitted buddies warm on a cold night.
And I will admit that everyone I’ve shown them to has made something that would be called a squee of delight, were my friends not far too dignified to make such a sound. So the idea of tucking them into a card or tying them around a tiny present (so that the recipient can see them in private, where the demands of dignity are somewhat relaxed, and a person can squee without fear of scandal) has a certain appeal.
But really, I make them because sometimes the burdens of the outside world are simply too much to bear, and I need something absurd and adorable that I can finish in an afternoon. And then I share them with you. Just in case you might need that too.
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