Bedeck
Patrons at any level get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here’s a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
Some things you do just because they’re fun. Some things you do just because you need a quick win. Some things you do just because they’re pretty. Some things you do just because you need a way to connect with someone. And those things can be every bit as valid as the things you do to be practical or functional.
And tiny hats? Well, they’re pretty great at all of that!
They only take an hour or two to knit (they’re perfect for using yarn scraps leftover from bigger projects). They’re a great way to practice new stitches or try out color combinations you want to play with. They make adorable ornaments. I’ve even been known to stick one on top of a present as a bow or tuck one in a card.
And really, that seems like plenty to ask from something so tiny!
Unspooled
Patrons at any level get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here’s a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
So sometimes? Sometimes I knit something just to see if I can, with absolutely no thought to whether I should. Luckily, I design knitting patterns (not, say, rockets or bridges or viruses), so the consequences of this rather haphazard approach are fairly low. But that's totally what happened here.
You see, I was having a little dalliance with sewing. And I was at that awkward stage of learning a new thing where you're sort of surrounded by tools and supplies and practice projects and everything feels more than a bit overwhelming. I needed to take a little break from being terrible at sewing and do something I actually knew how to do. But sewing was apparently still very much on my mind, and these where what happened when I switched to knitting needles instead of sewing needles!
Oddly enough, thanks to the inclusion of a few strategically placed magnets, the big ones actually make a really useful pin tray and pattern weight. So I did find a way to use them to do something more than just soothe my ego (those first few sewing projects are a humbling experience). And I have a feeling I'll use the tiny ones to show off my treasured collection of gorgeous silk embroidery thread.
But really, I suspect most of you are going to knit these just because you can!
Evolve
Patrons at any level get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here’s a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
So here’s the thing—I don’t wear shawls. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but respect and admiration for people who do (well, respect, admiration, and possibly just a little bit of envy). But I currently lack the requisite poise to pull them off.
But there’s something so undeniably appealing about a little bit of lacy fluff I can casually pull around myself for fortification when the weather or the world demand it. And I don’t want to deny myself that, even if I can’t quite manage the shawl version. So cowls seem like the natural way to solve this problem.
This one uses my favorite shape. It’s broad at the bottom, so it settles nicely on your shoulders, and narrows towards the top, so you’re not drowning in extra fabric up by your face. All the decreases are tucked cleverly away inside the lace pattern, which is both satisfyingly tidy and means you can stop the cowl at a couple of different points to control how tall it is.
And, at least for me, it satisfies that the secret longing that burns deep in my soul without requiring me to somehow manage to become the sort of person who can manage to wear a shawl. Perhaps it will do the same for you!
Toasted
Patrons at any level get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here’s a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
There comes a point in every knitter’s life (cough, or at least in this knitter’s life, cough) where everything is awful. None of your projects are making your brain do the happy thing. Absolutely everyone in your life is astonishingly annoying (yourself included). The whole world feels like it’s on fire. And you can’t do a damn thing about any of it.
When this day comes upon you, I highly recommend taking a moment to knit something absolutely absurd. The tinier and more nonsensical, the better. You want something you can complete in one sitting and that you can then strategically deploy in such a way as to make someone else’s day significantly weirder.
It helps. I don’t know why, but it really, really, really does. I promise.
And I’m pretty sure knitted marshmallows are the perfect project for this task. You can make one of the tiny ones in less than an hour with just a few yards of yarn. And they’re tiny enough and amusing enough that I suspect you’ll find no end of ways to sneak them into someone else’s day (tuck them in someone’s favorite mug? hide them on top of the emergency chocolate bar stash? put a pile of them next to the hot cocoa?).
I know they made my day better. I very much hope they’ll do the same for you.
Gleaming
Patrons at the Utter Nonsense or Rampant Nonsense levels get this book as part of their membership. Joining either of those for a month cost less than buying the book directly, and you'll get a whole bunch of other nifty stuff too (like these patterns at the Rampant Nonsense level and these at the Utter Nonsense level).
If you looked at these and though "ooooh, I wanna color them" you're not alone! I've made a little coloring book with images of a couple of my favorites. It's free, and you can download it over here. There's an expanded version of that coloring book with some extra images that you'll be able to download if you buy the book!
And if you're worried they're hard, I've got a little free download over here with some sample folds so you can try it out ahead of time to make sure you can do it.
Every year, right about when the time changes and the sun starts setting well before dinnertime, I am overcome with the urge to make these. I fold them by the dozen and absolutely fill my windows. I can't explain it. I can't justify it. I have absolutely no idea how something made from nothing more than a few sheets of paper and a couple of stickers can be so utterly enchanting. But somehow they are.
They satisfy my brain in much the same way as knitting. You use simple materials (yarn, or paper), and a tiny handful of fundamental techniques (knit & purl stitches, or straight & diagonal folds), and repeat the same actions over and over (stitch after stitch after stitch, or fold after fold after fold). And somehow you end up with something that feels like so much more than the sum of its parts.
They've been a touchstone of my year for longer than I can remember (the family lore is that they were one of the holiday crafts the nuns at my German kindergarten taught me to make). They make even the darkest winter days seem just a bit brighter and more bearable. And, while I certainly don't have the commanding presence of an elderly German nun, I absolutely love the idea of sharing them with all of you.
I hope they bring you a little light when the world feels dark!
Tethered
Patrons get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here's a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).
As always, I will not be attempting to convince you that you need these. I will not pretend that they serve any practical purpose. I will not suggest that they solve any of your problems.
I will say only that you can sit down with your needles, a tiny ball of leftover yarn, and the pattern and stand up an hour or two later with a teeny tiny pair of mittens. What happens after that is up to you.
You could probably make a reasonable case for using them as a bookmark or a Christmas tree ornament, or for turning a bunch of them into a garland, or for using them to keep one of your little knitted buddies warm on a cold night.
And I will admit that everyone I’ve shown them to has made something that would be called a squee of delight, were my friends not far too dignified to make such a sound. So the idea of tucking them into a card or tying them around a tiny present (so that the recipient can see them in private, where the demands of dignity are somewhat relaxed, and a person can squee without fear of scandal) has a certain appeal.
But really, I make them because sometimes the burdens of the outside world are simply too much to bear, and I need something absurd and adorable that I can finish in an afternoon. And then I share them with you. Just in case you might need that too.
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